My name is Xiao Ling.
This year I married my foreign boyfriend. He doesn't know that I used to be a boy, and he doesn't know the suppressed yet fervent desire deep in my bones.
I was originally just a quiet and slender boy. Height 168, weight 50 kilograms, my body as thin as a girl’s, only with an extra penis. In college, because of my ambitions, I fell out with my family and lost contact. At night I worked part-time in a Pub to make a living, and during the day at school I was surrounded by a bunch of girls.
Once during a break, a few female classmates came to my room to play Big Two. I lost miserably. Xiao Hui smiled and said, 'If you lose again, you have to dress up as a girl and go shopping with us.' As it turned out, I still lost. They happily put makeup on me and changed my clothes. In less than half an hour, a cute and quiet girl appeared in the mirror. I was so shy that my face turned red, but they still half-pushed, half-pulled me out the door. The campus was sparsely populated at night, and I gradually got used to the feeling of wearing a skirt and high heels. After seeing them back to their dorm, on my way back, my heart was beating much faster than usual.
After that night, I started paying attention to the techniques of female performers in oral sex, and even in my dreams, images of myself kneeling and taking a man into my mouth repeatedly appeared. During college, I dated a few girlfriends, with limited sexual experience, but the images in my dreams became increasingly clear.
After graduation, I got a bartender's license and continued working at the pub. My salary increased, and I bought a small apartment. Xiao Hui and the others still occasionally came to the bar. Once, a regular customer, Xiao Jian, invited me to his place after work. We drank and ate braised snacks until dawn. He took off his clothes, leaving only his underwear, with a prominent bulge in front. He smiled and asked if I wanted to see, then took off his underwear. A penis nearly the length of a palm even before erection swayed before my eyes. I stared dumbly until he walked up to me.
"You’re really special," he said softly. "Even though you’re a boy, you make me excited."
I pressed my face against it and murmured back, 'I'm very excited now too.'
He immediately got hard, more than twenty centimeters. I took him in my mouth, no longer rushing to finish as if I had been forced, but savoring it slowly instead. The pink glans carried a faint fishy smell, stimulating my taste buds. I took him as deep as I could, using both mouth and hand. He soon ejaculated onto my face, a lot of it. He said he was helping me apply a facial mask. I spread the semen evenly. Smiling, he said I should go be a woman.
After that night, we didn't contact each other again. But I began to formally confront my sexual orientation—I like men.
After working for half a year, I transferred to a higher-priced Lounge Bar with a better salary. Xiaohui still often stayed over after graduation. One day, she came crying after a breakup, and I took leave to accompany her. In the afternoon, we went shopping together at a department store. She suddenly brought up that time with the women's clothing, saying she thought it suited me and suggesting I try it again. She pulled me into a disabled toilet, changed me into her black knitwear and short skirt, and applied light makeup. In the mirror, except for the not-so-obvious chest, I looked exactly like a young woman just entering society. She hooked her arm in mine and had me continue wearing high heels to shop with her. I was so nervous my legs went weak.
Back at the apartment, she jokingly wanted to take a photo. I absolutely refused, but in the end, one was taken anyway. She lifted her skirt and touched me through my underwear, whispering, 'Let me be willful one more time.' I let her rub against me with her lower body until I ejaculated. She didn't say much, silently tidied the room, and left.
From then on, on days when I didn’t have to work, I started going out in women’s clothes. My voice was slightly higher, and my tone deliberately feminized; I was never discovered. My wardrobe had more women’s clothes than men’s, and I even bought fake breasts. Xiaohui kept teaching me makeup and outfits, and seemed to really like the way I looked in women’s clothes.
Three years after graduation, the mortgage was paid off, and savings reached seven figures. I began undergoing psychological evaluation in preparation for gender transition. Friends were supportive and opposed; Xiao Hui helped shield me from all opposition. The process with two psychiatrists went smoothly, the gender confirmation surgery was successful, and artificial ovaries were implanted, keeping my body semi-permanently filled with female hormones and possessing a vagina capable of achieving female orgasm. After the surgery, I received my female ID card.
The bar owner didn’t mind and even arranged for me to go to the new branch in the north to avoid gossip from regulars. I rented my small apartment to an informed friend as a studio and brought my luggage north. The new job was easy; I became a small shareholder and only worked three days a week. The place I lived was a few minutes from the bar, and also close to Xiaohui. At twenty-six, I had a stable income and started jogging regularly in the park. Under estrogen stimulation, my breasts grew to C cups, bouncing as I ran and drawing plenty of looks.
One day while resting in a pavilion, a middle-aged man walked over, lecherously holding up five fingers, asking if I needed money, offering five thousand to suck him off once. I initially wanted to refuse, but he was pleasant-looking, and I hadn't yet experienced being penetrated. So I suggested going to a hotel; he agreed to give ten thousand.
Showering together at the motel, I used my breasts to wash him, he got hard quickly. I gave him oral first, then had him enter from behind. The first experience had a stinging pain, he didn't slow down, grabbing my waist and thrusting fiercely. Pain and numbness intertwined, I couldn't help but cry out. He changed positions and continued, finally ejaculating inside. Not yet satisfied, I used my mouth to get him hard again, sat on top myself to take charge until we climaxed together. He kept his promise and gave me ten thousand, also left his phone number.
Over the next few months, I tried one-night stands a few times. Most of the other men were impatient and lacked staying power, and afterward I often had to finish myself off. One morning at McDonald’s, a uniformed boy who looked just eighteen at most timidly asked for my phone number. I smiled and refused. Later I heard his coworkers laughing at him for being the one who’d been seduced, and the anger flared up in me. I walked to the counter and kissed his lips as compensation.
Business doubled from Christmas to New Year's, investment cost recouped. The boss brought his wife up to celebrate. The boss's wife treated me like a sister, caring for me. After the celebration, the boss and his wife stayed at my apartment, I went to Xiao Hui's place. The next day, the boss's wife invited me shopping, and we had dinner together again in the evening. The boss praised my beautiful accounts. After work, he stayed in the office, I dozed off on the sofa. Half-asleep, I felt someone touching my cheek, opened my eyes to see the boss. He flusteredly explained he was attracted to my sleeping face. I held his hand, pulled him into the bedroom, and took off my clothes piece by piece.
"If you don't mind a body that has undergone surgery, then please enjoy yourself to your heart's content."
It was as if he had been switched on, burying himself in my cleavage. My breasts were already D-cup. He used my breasts for sex, and I licked the tip of his glans with my tongue. Then he used his tongue and fingers to push me to the edge of climax before entering me. I reached orgasm immediately the first time. He changed to the seated lotus position, and I came a second time. Finally I raised my butt and let him thrust into me for half an hour to his heart’s content, his semen shooting onto my back. I was so exhausted I fell asleep right away, and when I woke up I was naked, nestled in his arms.
The boss's wife had actually long allowed him to vent outside, as long as he didn't produce children. I still accompanied him back to central Taiwan to apologize to the boss's wife. She instead smiled and said being able to walk was fortunate enough.
For the next two years, I became the boss’s little mistress. Outwardly, I was said to be his daughter. By day I cleaned and accompanied the boss’s wife to buy groceries and go shopping; at night the boss trained me until I became extremely sensitive. He liked to turn on the lights and put up a full-length mirror, making me call him “master” or “husband” in a soft voice. His semen was always left inside me, and he would even hold me and sleep without pulling out. The bedsheets were changed every two days.
The boss decided to immigrate to the United States, handing over all his property proofs in Taiwan to me. I liquidated my business, keeping only a townhouse and an apartment in the north, found a regular job, and started living an ordinary life. But my body, trained to be sensitive, could only be satisfied through one-night stands. Xiao Hui urged me to get a boyfriend, but I still wanted to wait a bit.
Once at a pub, a blond boy danced close to me, and I pretended to be too drunk and leaned against him. In the restroom, he was in a hurry to take off my skirt, but the door was opened by three foreign men. They invited me and my companion, Dan Dan, to a group sex party at a hotel. We agreed.
There was also a white girl named Lisa in the room. The three of us drew lots to play animals: I was the rabbit, Dandan was the dog, and Lisa was the cat. The black man took a carrot and made me sit down to masturbate. Dandan was stuffed with a tail and a collar and crawled like a dog. Lisa was given a milk enema. The black man pulled out the carrot and replaced it with his own large penis, making me get fucked while nibbling on the carrot. Dandan was forced to drink milk mixed with feces and urine. The party lasted three hours; I was fucked until I passed out and woke up again, and finally, my lower body went numb. The next day, I refused to stay any longer and rested for over half a month before recovering. Dandan, however, continued to become a party pet.
Once desire is opened, it is difficult to close again.
I continued walking through the city, using my body to confirm every inch of sensation after truly becoming a woman. Some nights were gentle embraces, some were intense group sex, and some were just me slowly exploring in front of a mirror alone.
After my foreign boyfriend appeared, I chose to bury the past in my heart and start a new life. He doesn't know I used to be a boy, nor does he know about those scorching and chaotic nights.
But I know clearly——
From the first time I put on women’s clothes, to the completion of the surgery, to every climax afterward, it was all the path I chose myself.
The story is still continuing.
My foreign boyfriend is named Erik.
Tall, blond, with shallow dimples when he smiles. We met at a bar; he was a regular, always ordering the same whiskey, sitting quietly in a corner watching me mix drinks. One day he left his number, saying he wanted to take me to dinner. I agreed.
The relationship progressed quickly. He doesn't know my past, and I'm not in a hurry to tell him. My body is already that of a complete woman, as are my voice, temperament, and reactions. The first time we went to bed, he was very gentle, kissing from my forehead all the way down, his fingers probing the already moist place, confirming I was ready before entering. I actively wrapped my legs tightly around his waist and whispered in his ear in English that I liked it. After he came inside, he held me for a long time and asked if I wanted to do it again. I nodded.
He was the one who proposed marriage.
A simple ceremony, with only a few mutual friends. After marriage, we lived in an apartment near his company. During the day he went to work, and I occasionally went back to the Bar to check the accounts, but spent most of my time at home. Life was so calm it hardly resembled my former self who indulged in pubs, hotels, and parties.
But the body remembers.
Sometimes when he's away on business for a week, I slowly undress in front of the mirror, using my hands or toys to release the pent-up desire. Sometimes late at night, I recall the two years of training from my boss, the robust bodies of black men at group sex parties, and the dazed expression of being played with. Desire is like an underground river, calm on the surface but still flowing beneath.
One day, Erik came home early and found me sitting on the edge of the bed, legs apart, fingers still inside myself.
He froze for a moment, then closed the door and walked over.
"Continue." he said in a low voice.
I didn't stop. He unzipped his pants, already hard. I used my free hand to hold him, masturbating while stroking him. He looked into my eyes and suddenly asked:
“Were you… very open before?”
My finger paused for a moment, then sped up.
"Do you want to hear the truth?"
He nodded.
I selectively shared some of the past—the beginning of cross-dressing, transitioning, the two years with the boss, occasional one-night stands. I omitted details about the group sex parts, only saying 'attended a few rather wild parties.' After listening, he was silent for a long time, then pulled my hand out and entered me himself.
This time was fiercer than any before. He gripped my waist, thrusting deep each time, asking if it felt good, asking if I preferred the way it used to be. I was fucked to the point of being unable to form complete sentences, only able to answer in fragments: "I like you," "Now I only want you." After coming inside, he didn't pull out immediately but held me in that position.
"From now on, if you want to play with something, just say it directly." He leaned close to my ear, "I can keep you company."
From that day on, our sex life had a few new things.
He would come into the bathroom when I was showering and enter from behind; would put my legs over his shoulders on the living room sofa; and occasionally, at my request, tie my wrists with a silk scarf, letting me completely surrender control. I taught him how to use his tongue to bring me to orgasm, and he learned very quickly. Sometimes after we were done we would chat; he asked me what it felt like before the surgery, and asked whether I still missed the days when I was a man. I shook my head and said this body is already who I am now; the past was just the road leading here.
One weekend he was on a business trip, and I was alone at home.
In the evening I received a message from Xiaohui saying she had divorced and wanted to come stay for a few days. I replied, “You’re welcome anytime.” When she showed up dragging her suitcase, her eyes were red, and as soon as she walked in she hugged me and cried. That night we drank a little, and she suddenly asked:
"Are you really happy now?"
I looked at her and nodded.
"Sometimes I think about the past." I said honestly, "about those messy but very real nights. But this way now is also good."
She was silent for a moment, then leaned over, resting her head on my shoulder.
"Sometimes I regret not supporting you earlier."
I held her hand.
"You're already good enough."
That night we slept in the same bed, just holding each other simply. The next day she was in much better spirits, starting to help me tidy the room and discuss whether we should open a small shop together. Life seemed to return to a familiar track.
After Erik came back and saw Xiao Hui, his attitude was natural. The three of us had a meal together. After dinner, Xiao Hui returned to the guest room, and Erik and I were in the master bedroom. He hugged me from behind, and his hand slid into my nightgown.
"Does she know about us?" he asked.
"I know a little."
He asked no more questions, just turned me over and kissed me deeply. That night we were especially slow, as if confirming something. Afterward he stroked my hair and said in a low voice:
"No matter what you were like before, now you are my wife."
I buried my face against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
Desire is still there.
The story is still ongoing.
It’s just that this time, I no longer walked alone on the road in the dark.
Someone is willing to hold my hand and move forward together.
The frequency of Erik’s business trips gradually increased.
Sometimes he would be gone for ten days or half a month. When I was alone in the apartment, I could fill the daytime with cleaning, reading, going to the Bar to check the accounts, but the nights easily became empty. The body is more honest than the mouth; when desire accumulates to a certain critical point, it finds its own way out.
Xiaohui lived at my place for nearly two months after her divorce. She moved into a shared apartment after finding a new job, but still often came over on weekends. Once she got drunk, leaned on the sofa and suddenly asked if I still remembered that cross-dressing incident from university. I nodded. She smiled and said that back then she actually had thoughts too, just didn't dare to say it.
The air was quiet for a few seconds.
She reached out and touched my face, the movement very light. I didn't pull away. She initiated the kiss, carrying the scent of alcohol and a hint of tentativeness. We slowly undressed each other on the sofa, using fingers and tongues to confirm the other's reactions. Her body was familiar to me, yet completely different. There was no penetration, just bringing each other to climax. Afterwards, she leaned on my shoulder, her voice a bit hoarse:
“Take it as... making up for what I didn't do before.”
I didn't speak, just tightened my arms.
After Erik came back, he noticed a subtle change in the atmosphere, but didn’t ask about it. He just became more proactive in bed, and sometimes deliberately slowed down, watching me beg him when I couldn’t take it anymore. I cooperated with him, and also told him the way I really liked. He learned very quickly, and gradually could accurately find the spot that made my legs go weak.
One night after finishing, he suddenly said he wanted to try something more extreme. I asked him to what extent. He thought for a moment and said we could start with bondage and verbal domination. I agreed.
He tied my wrists with a necktie and fixed them to the headboard. His movements were not especially skilled, but enough to make me feel controlled. He kissed from my chest all the way down to my lower abdomen, and then further down, using his tongue to bring me nearly to tears before entering me. During the process he would softly ask whether I was comfortable and whether I wanted it a bit harder. I answered truthfully. After he came, he untied the necktie, pulled me into his arms, and kissed my forehead, saying thank you for being willing to trust him.
The feeling of being completely caught was more calming than a simple climax.
Later, we would occasionally invite Xiaohui to dinner with us. The atmosphere between the three of us was subtle, but not awkward. Once, after too much to drink, Erik looked at me, then at Xiaohui, and asked whether we all wanted to stay the night. Xiaohui blushed, but she didn’t refuse right away. I nodded.
That night, the three of us squeezed into the master bedroom. At first, it was a bit awkward, but gradually we loosened up. Erik mainly focused on me, occasionally touching Xiaohui as well. Xiaohui was more accustomed to interacting with me. No one forced anyone; the pace was determined by each other's reactions. Afterward, the three of us lay side by side, the city lights outside the window casting a pale orange glow on the ceiling.
When Xiaohui left the next morning, she paused at the door and said she wanted to come again next time. I nodded.
Life just moves forward like this.
There are peaceful daily routines, and nights that suddenly ignite. There is stability with Erik, and an indescribable closeness with Xiao Hui. Those chaotic memories from the past occasionally still surface, but they are no longer as sharp as before. They have simply become a part of me, reminding me of the path I walked to become who I am now.
Once before a business trip, Erik put a spare key on the table and said that if I wanted someone to keep me company, I could call Xiao Hui over anytime. Looking at that key, I suddenly felt a place inside me that had always been tightly tense loosen.
He knew my past, and accepted that I might occasionally need more.
And I, could finally stop hiding my desires so deeply.
The night before Erik’s business trip, when he put the spare key on the table, I didn’t call Xiao Hui right away.
I first showered myself, standing in front of the mirror to look at my body. The marks from the surgery had long faded almost to invisibility; the curves of my chest, waistline, and inner thighs were all of my current self. Desire slowly warmed beneath my skin, but I wasn't in a hurry to relieve it.
The next evening, Xiaohui showed up with a bottle of red wine. After entering, she first looked around to confirm it was just the two of us, then kicked off her shoes, walked straight over, and kissed me. It was a deep kiss, carrying a hint of urgency from a long separation. We didn't even make it to the sofa, taking each other's clothes off right in the entryway. Her fingers were more skilled than before, knowing exactly how to make my legs weak. I pressed her against the wall, using my tongue and fingers to bring her to her first climax. Leaning against the wall, panting, her eyes moist, she said she wanted me inside.
I satisfied her with toys. She wrapped her legs around my waist, biting my shoulder during her climax, leaving faint teeth marks. Afterwards, we moved to the sofa, drinking that bottle of red wine naked. She asked if Erik knew she would come. I nodded. She fell silent for a moment, then smiled and said he was really nice.
That night she stayed over. We did it a second time, a third time. In between, she cried once, saying it was the first time since her divorce that she truly felt her body belonged to herself. I held her and didn't ask for details.
Three days later, Erik came back. When he came in, Xiao Hui had already left, but her perfume scent still lingered in the air. He said nothing, just pulled me into the bedroom and entered from behind. His movements were heavier than usual, as if rechecking something. After ejaculating, he pressed against my back and asked in a low voice whether it felt good. I answered honestly. He kissed the back of my neck and said that next time, if she wanted to stay for dinner, that would also be fine.
After that, the three of them would occasionally spend the night together.
Sometimes we just eat and chat, then return to our own rooms; sometimes we naturally end up in the same bed. There's no fixed script, it all depends on the atmosphere of the night. Erik prefers to take the lead, while Xiaohui is used to interacting with me. In the middle, I can both be filled and give. Afterward, the three of us lie side by side, rarely speaking, just listening to each other's breathing gradually steady.
One weekend, Erik suggested going to stay at a beach house for two days. Xiao Hui came along too. During the day, we walked and swam at the beach. At night, back in the house, the curtains didn't need to be drawn tightly. When the sea breeze blew in, the sensation of our bodies pressed together became especially clear. Erik had me sit on him, and Xiao Hui hugged me from behind, her hands reaching around to the front to knead my chest. When the feeling of being sandwiched front and back pushed me toward climax, I heard my own voice being covered by the sound of the waves.
On the way back in the car, Xiao Hui fell asleep against the window. Erik drove with one hand while reaching out to hold my hand with the other. He didn't look at me, just gently rubbed my knuckles.
"Are you happy?" he asked.
I looked at the streetlights receding quickly outside the window and nodded.
"Mm."
He said no more, only tightened his grip on my hand a little.
After returning to the apartment, life fell back into its old rhythm. Busy during the day, sometimes just the two of us at night, sometimes with one more person. Desire no longer needed to be hidden, nor did it need excuses. It just existed, as natural as breathing.
One day while sorting through an old box, I found that cross-dressing photo secretly taken by Xiao Hui during university. The person in the photo smiled stiffly, but their eyes were bright. I slipped the photo into an old book—didn't tear it up, nor did I deliberately display it.
It's right there. And I, have already walked a long way behind it.
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